Chapter 10
Juan Guevara
Chapter 10
Intercultural Relationships; the term seems odd. When I think of Intercultural relationships, I think of an intimate relationship between two people of different cultures. Sure, it can be friends too, and that would also come with all the complexities; however, in an intimate relationship, it seems these differences are beyond profound. They are processed and felt deeply.
I’ll discuss the benefits and the challenges as I saw them in my relationship with my wife, Jacque. These are by no means all the benefits or challenges I saw or experienced but just some of them.
Benefits:
I met my wife when we were both 16 years old. We met while working at none other than Round Table Pizza. I was a cocky, reckless, and stubborn kid and she was a carefree, happy-go-lucky, girl. In many ways, I don’t know how we got together. In addition to our different personalities, we also had a different cultural background. I know it does not seem that long ago but the difference in white and Hispanic culture seemed more pronounced just 15 years ago. Once we began our relationship, my life dramatically changed, and so did hers. My reckless impulse began to wane. Over time, I was able to express myself and pride was no longer something I believed to be as a crucial component of my life. Initially, I thought I was the only one gaining from the relationship, seeing all the change which I was going through; however, I slowly saw my wife become more serious about certain things. As I said, she was carefree about most things. Where I was a bit too serious, she was too lax. Over time, she began to be more considerate about matters, both in our relationship and around us. She still rolls her eyes about global events but at least now she listens to my concerns. It seemed that due to our cultures, we had formed these personalities and when we combined them, we were able to pull one another. It seemed to have created a healthy balance. I joined law enforcement and have enjoyed a successful career thus far and she has become a registered nurse. We have been referred to as a “power” couple more than once. I don’t know if we qualify for that title, but I will say I am proud of our accomplishments and the progress we have made together.
Challenges:
Our relationship did not go without differences. We had the usual disagreements, petty jealousy, silent treatments. The differences we had, specifically regarding our cultural differences, are not too hard to identify. One example, in Hispanic culture, families have strong bonds. They visit often and incorporate them into almost every event. It took some time, and by time, I mean years, to realize this was stressful to my wife. I couldn’t see it at first but eventually, I realized it was not a bad thing to want to create some space. The challenge became how to balance the two things; how do you satisfy two needs (possibly three) when they are different. One expects family to stay close and the other wanting some distance. Visiting her family was never an issue for me because she did not visit her family as often as I visited mine. Had she wanted to visit her family as much as we visited mine, then, possibly, I would too want some distance. It’s hard to say.
I’ll discuss the benefits and the challenges as I saw them in my relationship with my wife, Jacque. These are by no means all the benefits or challenges I saw or experienced but just some of them.
Benefits:
I met my wife when we were both 16 years old. We met while working at none other than Round Table Pizza. I was a cocky, reckless, and stubborn kid and she was a carefree, happy-go-lucky, girl. In many ways, I don’t know how we got together. In addition to our different personalities, we also had a different cultural background. I know it does not seem that long ago but the difference in white and Hispanic culture seemed more pronounced just 15 years ago. Once we began our relationship, my life dramatically changed, and so did hers. My reckless impulse began to wane. Over time, I was able to express myself and pride was no longer something I believed to be as a crucial component of my life. Initially, I thought I was the only one gaining from the relationship, seeing all the change which I was going through; however, I slowly saw my wife become more serious about certain things. As I said, she was carefree about most things. Where I was a bit too serious, she was too lax. Over time, she began to be more considerate about matters, both in our relationship and around us. She still rolls her eyes about global events but at least now she listens to my concerns. It seemed that due to our cultures, we had formed these personalities and when we combined them, we were able to pull one another. It seemed to have created a healthy balance. I joined law enforcement and have enjoyed a successful career thus far and she has become a registered nurse. We have been referred to as a “power” couple more than once. I don’t know if we qualify for that title, but I will say I am proud of our accomplishments and the progress we have made together.
Challenges:
Our relationship did not go without differences. We had the usual disagreements, petty jealousy, silent treatments. The differences we had, specifically regarding our cultural differences, are not too hard to identify. One example, in Hispanic culture, families have strong bonds. They visit often and incorporate them into almost every event. It took some time, and by time, I mean years, to realize this was stressful to my wife. I couldn’t see it at first but eventually, I realized it was not a bad thing to want to create some space. The challenge became how to balance the two things; how do you satisfy two needs (possibly three) when they are different. One expects family to stay close and the other wanting some distance. Visiting her family was never an issue for me because she did not visit her family as often as I visited mine. Had she wanted to visit her family as much as we visited mine, then, possibly, I would too want some distance. It’s hard to say.
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